My Joy (2012)

Today, I announced my second (actually third) pregnancy to my Facebook and email friends.  “Announcement Day” is always scary for me because I know there are men and women out there who will cry from “another announcement”.

My only reason to write today is that I feel called to offer hope.  You see, there was a time in my life…a deep dark, looonnnng time where I longed for children so bad I swear I could have sweat drops of blood.  A time when the holidays were excruciating and Mother’s Day?  Mother’s Day was so painful that one year I left Nebraska and went to Texas to avoid it.  You see, infertility is a silent pain.  Well-meaning people with children or grandchildren prod us (“us” as in those of us who are or have experienced infertility) to “get with it” or “not worry about it” or pry with even deeper comments or questions.  A fertile couple gets the comment like, “Don’t you know what causes that?” or “Are you going to have a dozen?”  An infertile couple gets, “Are you doing it right?”  “Have you thought about adoption?”  “Do you have any children?”  “How long have you been married?”  Seriously?!   When the doc comes in and tells you what your ovaries look like (and it isn’t normal) and your heart sinks to the depths of hell (that’s below your feet for all you cliche lovers)…I know that despair.

Anyway, you who haven’t been through this, take it easy on those who might be silently hurting this holiday season.  Don’t ask “those questions” and just say Merry Christmas or whatever your token holiday word is.  Give a hug when it’s needed.  Hold the Desperately-Wanting-To-Be-A-Mommy woman and let her cry, forgive her when she offers a lame excuse and declines your invite to the party where all the parents and children will be.

But those of you who are going through this horrible time…I waited 10 years for my first.  We had given up, period, and were going to live as a family of two.  What else do you do when you can’t do anything else?  It was at that moment when I surrendered it all to God that He provided.  I did not understand then why we had to wait, but I do now. We were meant to have our first son and be his parents and now I get it. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20.Please lay your troubles at the feet of the savior and rest in him.  Cry on his lap-every day if you must!  All day for seven years if you must!  (I did!)  And know He holds you in his hands.

I will write more about our journey to parenthood in the coming weeks.


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